My second-last night in College House

Quiet. Except for the rhythmically croaking frogs and the busy twittering of birds, the raps on my keyboard and sporadic voices downstairs. Unusually sporadic. It's an unusual night. It's my second-last night in College House.

For four years I have lived in this fine Herbert Baker-designed edifice, a U-shaped building around a courtyard. For four years I have shared this place with more than 50 other young men, many lost, few found. And what difference has it made? Too little, it seems.

Oh, I've done something, I guess. Started a prayer meeting every week in my room for a few committed souls. And God has been faithful because of that. Four years ago, this place was pretty notorious. People got so drunk they broke the courtyard furniture, burnt off the electric wires on the gate.

Four years down the line, this place is at least respectable. Oh, the guys still get smashed on the weekend and play their music loud and bring girls home in the evenings, but not to the same extent as they used to. But I feel ashamed at trying to describe it that way, because externals aren't what matter; people's hearts do.

So what about their hearts? I've witnessed to only about three people here with my words, and I'd like to say I witnessed to more with my actions, but has that made a difference? Has it made people want to know what I've got that they don't have? No. I haven't shone brightly enough, have been ashamed to talk about my best friend, Jesus. I'm sorry, Father.

And now, it's almost too late. I feel sad at what I've been, and am still, too afraid to do. But I believe there's hope. I believe that prayer will go on in this house; that Jesus will continue to be present in it. He's got his men here, and I'm not leaving the scene entirely; just moving a couple of blocks away. I've already been given the role 'the sober old boy' by my warden, and I intend to play it well. But ja, I'm not the Messiah; just his friend. And God's grace is as faithful as ever.

By the way, read Gondayi's enlightening comment on my last post. He's right, of course. It's crude to cast salvation as something you can 'sell', and maybe I fell into the trap of using the commercialised language of this age. It's not our job to 'sell' the Good News; only tell others what God has done for us. Thank God! Only he can convince people of their need for him. So let's follow him and do what he's told us to do. Now if only it were as easily said as done...